


Wishing upon a star

by Phaenna



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU season 4, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dad!Kane, F/M, Skyparents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-08-12 16:37:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7941583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phaenna/pseuds/Phaenna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arkadia rose from its ashes soon after the City of Light disappeared. Marcus and Abby knew the next six months weren't going to be easy, but they were determined to find happiness nonetheless. </p><p>What they didn't expect was that finding Octavia after months of being missing would turn their world around in the most unexpected of ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Learn how to live

**I.**

 

The world was spinning around Abby Griffin. Absolutely everything was. But the first thing she realized was that her body was nowhere to be found. Where was it?

 _Oh,_ she thought, _I'm finally dead._ That would be the logic thing: her lifeless body might be somewhere far away, but the City of Light must still have her mind, her soul. The thing that started to worry her was that she couldn't find that place.

Abby was stuck in a limbo, all alone in the dark, with no place to run to, no one to come and rescue her.

That was it.

It was a cruel way to die, wasn't it? She'd been through hell and back, saw birth and death, fell from space to Earth… She had fought with all she had for her life and for the lives of their people, but now it was her turn to die.

How? She didn't even know that. All Abby remembered were snippets of memories, scattered here and there.

The memories were floating everywhere, but she didn't have any sense of time, didn't know which ones were first or last.

_The rope around her own neck._

_The heat of Marcus' body underneath her in a couch._

_The blood on Raven's wrists._

_The people aiming to shoot Clarke._

_The feeling of Marcus' lips moving urgently against hers._

_The cold look on Raven's dark eyes._

_The scalpel in Clarke's chest._

_The pain she felt when she saw Marcus crying, covered again with dust and rubble, like a flashback of TonDC, of the day she realized she wasn't able to lose him without losing herself._

Of just _yesterday._

And then, everything came back. Her senses, her memories, every single detail of the last few weeks —and years—, like bricks being thrown over her head. She wanted to scream, to pull out her hair, to hit her head into a wall… In that moment, she really wanted to die.

When she first woke up, wrapped in Clarke's arms, it was different. Somehow, the urgency to help her daughter stay alive while saving everyone had blocked most of her pain. It wasn't like in the City of Light but, at the moment, how she was feeling wasn't important, so she shove it aside.

Now she knew Clarke was safe, she knew A.L.I.E. wasn't there anymore. And there was nothing to stop the pain that invaded every single cell in her body.

“Hey,” a voice whispered behind her, and it was just then that Abby realized where she was, where her _body_ was. A soft mattress and warm furs, an arm around her midsection, bare legs intertwined with hers, lips gently brushing her shoulder…

“Marcus,” was the only thing that she could mutter, and a shushing sound was his reply. She couldn't remember how she had ended up there, but there was no doubt it was him. “I...”

“Go back to sleep, Abby,” he mumbled, and when she felt a thumb start caressing her hip, suddenly she couldn't take it anymore.

As she opened her eyes, nothing but darkness welcomed her. It was a good thing, because she felt the tears streaming down her face before she could do anything to stop them: she just didn't want Marcus to worry. But he felt them too, and soon Abby's sobs weren't something she could hide.

“Hey,” Marcus repeated, helping her turn in his arms, so they could be face to face. But Abby closed her eyes again as he kissed her tears away. “You are okay now, Abby. There's no need to…” He seemed to hesitate. “What's wrong?” he asked instead, cupping her cheek and smiling a little when she leaned into his hand.

“I...” Abby had no words for what she had woken up to, and only a hurried question left her lips after a few minutes in the dark. “How did we end up falling asleep?” And even though she still had her eyes closed, Marcus knew what she was really asking. _Doesn't someone need us? Is everyone okay? Why did they let us sleep?_

“The kids were trying to find a way down,” he explained, brushing her tears away with his thumb, “and Clarke asked me to take care of you.”

At the mention of her daughter, Abby hid her face in his chest, shoulders trembling as she tried to breathe and no air would come in. She didn't know if it was fear, shame, pain, or everything tied up together so strongly she doubted she could ever overcome it. But just hearing Clarke's name sent an avalanche of blood-covered memories crashing down on her. How could she ever forgive herself?

“Abby, listen to me,” Marcus tried to pull away a little, so that he could see her eyes. She had closed them so tightly as if by doing so everything would disappear. “It's okay now, she's okay, we're okay...”

In the City of Light, every single mind was connected to one another. ALIE was in everyone, and everyone _was_ ALIE. So when Abby put that rope around her neck and literally kicked the bucket, Marcus was there with her too. His controlled mind, of course, thought it was a great idea: Clarke would crumble, just as his rational self had been defeated the moment Jaha did as much as point a gun to Abby’s head. She would give them the Flame, just as he gave himself up and took the chip… And then their problems would be solved. Of course, Abby wouldn't _really_ die… There was no death in the City of Light. But his soul, that tiny part of him that the chip couldn't get through, set off every alarm. For a minute, a long and terrifying minute, he knew Abby was choking to death and he couldn't do anything to save her. Of course, before he could panic, ALIE took over. And just like that, he breathed calmly and almost smiled: everything would be okay.

The dichotomy between reality and the City of Light was really messing with its past inhabitants' minds, but Marcus chose to ignore that for just a few minutes. Abby needed him.

“It's… It's not that simple, Marcus,” she finally said, still sobbing, still tightly pressed against his chest, “I feel like… I just don't know, Marcus… I don't know if I'll ever be able to live… To just live with the memories of everything I've done.”

He was silent for just a second longer than he would have wanted.

“You _have_ to live, Abby.”

Abby Griffin was always seen as a strong woman. Never a trembling hand after a lost patient, never a falter in her voice when a hard decision had to be made. In fact, she could count on one hand the amount of people who had seen her cry. And Marcus was currently one of the three living people that had indeed seen her weaker side.

And that thought terrified him.

He was not used to seeing Abby like this: small, lost, curled by his side and grabbing his shirt in her fists as if she never wanted to let go. As if it were the only thing left.

“You must learn how,” he continued, lips pressing now and then against her hair, “as we all will. I… I also did terrible things to people I love...” Bellamy Blake's betrayed face, choking under his hands, flashed through his mind; the thought that, had it been necessary, he would have also attacked Abby to reach Clarke made him feel a lump on his throat. “But I also need to be here for all of them. For those I love...”

“Marcus” she whispered, desperation in her voice, and loosened her grip, trying to look him in the eyes. He had them closed, and a tear fell before he could do anything about it, getting lost in his beard. “What if those I love – those who once loved me – deserve better than me being here?”

She didn't say _than me being alive_ , but Marcus knew anyway. He opened his eyes in that instant, and suddenly Abby couldn't look at him. She hid her head under his chin again.

“Don't you ever, not even for an instant, think of something like that again.”

His voice was fierce, he wouldn't admit any kind of comeback.

“Abby, are you listening? Never again,” the words cracking. “Those who love you need you here. Hell, _I_ need you here, Abby!”

And then he couldn't repress his tears anymore. Now openly crying, both of them held each other close. Eyes closed, tears wetting their hair and clothes, strangled sobs occasionally filling the silence, hands on each other's back, they started falling asleep.

Then, without really knowing if he was awake or not, she said the words that had been trying to say ever since she thought Pike was going to kill him.

“I love you”.

 

* * *

 

 

 

The next morning arrived with Abby snuggled comfortably against his chest. Marcus wasn't sure if he had dreamed of those three words, or if she had really said them out loud, but smiled at the memory anyway. And when she opened her eyes, bloodshot and puffy after a long night of sleep, and saw him grinning, she couldn't refrain from  doing the same.

“I love you,” and, this time, the words were his. Abby just snuggled closer as an answer, and he _knew_.

There was no way they were going to do anything if not together.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! The first thing I need to say is thanks to Mon (unbreakablem here) for helping me out with this. I'm not a native English speaker, so... It was full of nonsense at first. 
> 
> Honestly, I always write in Spanish, so this is a new (but great) thing.
> 
> Thank you for reading! I'll try to post as regularly as I can. (Which will probably be twice a year, lmao.)


	2. Nightmares

It's a dream, but Abby doesn't know that yet. She's barefoot, in the middle of the forest, and a few cold drops fall onto her hair and bare shoulders. Of course it’s raining - when is it not, at this time of the year? That’s when she realizes she's naked. She doesn't mind, though. Abby only has eyes for the man in front of her. She waves to him, a wide smile on her face, but he doesn't seem to see her.

"Marcus!" she calls, and the name echoes in the immensity of the forest. Just then, the man turns around but starts walking in the other direction. Abby frowns and starts following him. The little twigs and leaves bother her feet, but she ignores them. Instead, she focuses on the sound of the rain, falling calmly over the trees that cover everything around her, and enjoying the few drops that do reach her. Since landing on the ground, one of her favorite things has been the rain. Its smell, mixing the soil and humid air with something unique, different than anything she'd ever known in the Ark. Sometimes, when she goes to bed and Marcus arrives, hours later, after a long shift, she can smell it on him too. On the crook of his neck, on his hair, on his shoulders.

Abby loves it, because it smells just like him.

But she has lost him somehow. The forest is silent now, and she doesn’t feel comfortable anymore. So she starts running.

 

She sees a man suddenly appear in front of her. He's blond; bright blue eyes watching her with an intensity she's sure she misses. Broad shoulders, big hands that gestures her to come closer, to say hello. Because everything is okay, because her long dead husband appearing in the middle of a forest is the most common thing in this newfound Earth. Abby's legs follow a command she didn't give, so there she goes.

Jake’s smile is sweet, but there's something in his lifted eyebrow, his messy hair, his bare feet, that doesn't quite make her feel confident. But it's Jake, it's her Jake, and she wants those big warm arms to wrap around her small figure, and to get lost in his scent. She wants to feel that again, scents like grease, and closed places, and charcoal… and everything that will remind her that she's safe, she's loved, she's okay and she's with the man she loves, protected by a thousand steel walls floating in the middle of nowhere.

Abby snaps.

She's in a forest, and Jake's smile is crooked. That's not Jake, but she can't seem to stop walking towards him. She wants to scream, to throw herself on the ground, to turn around and run the other way; anything but bury herself into those arms that once seemed the safest place in the whole universe. But they are close, getting closer and closer with each step she takes, twigs snapping under her bare feet, wind howling louder, rain falling harder, her mind spiraling around everything that's not right.

She finally gets in front of him and Jake’s smile is still there, still not his. His arms are open, but Abby can finally  stop. They are at arm's length and, thankfully, he doesn't come closer, doesn't attempt to touch her. Just keeps smiling until he finally speaks.

“ _Take that one off the table_ ,” he starts, and Abby’s eyes widen in terror. That's not his voice, " _and put_ _her_ _on it_.”

“Jake?” her voice is wavering, but the figure in front of her is still, eyes fixed on hers, but not really seeing.

“ _Get her legs, strap her down_ ,” and again the voice has changed. It's similar to Jake’s voice, but not quite his.

“Jake, what do you mean? Please, tell me what’s going on!”

“ _We can't. Proceed with the drilling_.”

Once he says these words, everything changes.

She's falling hard onto the ground. She wants to move, but her legs are trapped. She tries to kick, she cries for help, but it's like she's tied, condemned to lie there and watch Jake towering over her, his cold eyes and lopsided smile still there, words he’d never say leaving his mouth.

“ _I tried_ ,” and this time she shivers, because it's impossible that such a feminine voice is coming from Jake's throat, “ _I tried to be the good guy_.”

“Maybe there are no good guys,” Abby manages to croak, and feels a hand curling around her shoulder. Her first instinct is to scream as loud as she can, and suddenly she opens her eyes.

Everything is dark, and she sits up as quickly as she can, trembling and looking around for any sign of danger.

“Abby...”

Marcus’ voice was barely a whisper, but it was enough for Abby to release a heavy sigh, and search for his hand in the dark. She found it still on her shoulder and she squeezed it, leaving it there for a few seconds until finally trying to speak.

“I…” but no air was reaching her lungs, and once again she recoiled in terror. It was her new normal now, having panic attacks every time she woke from a nightmare. But that didn’t mean she was getting used to them.

“Abby, look at me,” Marcus asked her, sitting up besides her and gently wrapping his arms around her tense body. “Breathe with me, just pay attention to my breathing… In… And out... That’s it, Abby, it’s okay, everything’s okay... In… And out again…”

Bit by bit, Abby let herself relax and focus on getting her breathing back to normal. If there was a thing she was thankful for, it was having Marcus by her side. He was always there, ready to help her when she couldn’t even remember what was worth living for anymore. And just like she was getting used to, he was the last thing she remembered before drifting back to sleep, relishing in the warmness of his arms around her.

It had been a week since the City of Light was destroyed, and the nightmares were still there every single night. At first, everything in her dreams was blurry, and all she could see were hints of red coming and going, listening to orders being given with a cold, monotonous voice she hoped never to hear again. But then, after the third night, ALIE had disappeared and now she started being haunted her own memories.

Their nightly routine was always the same, and she was somewhat grateful for the stability it brought after the chaos their days were. They stumbled into bed together, after whatever meeting they'd that night, way after midnight. Sometimes, they didn’t even bother with taking off their clothes. Exhaustion was killing them both, slowly, and they only had the strength left to wrap their arms around each other before they were fast asleep.

* * *

When she woke up that morning, the first thing she noticed was Marcus’ fingers running up and down her arm, over and over again. She let out a contented sigh and shifted slightly, trying to snuggle even closer. That’s when she felt _him_ , his hardness against her lower back. She wondered for a moment… Would they have enough time until the entire city woke up?

They had tried once, their second or third night together, to just let themselves  be, to move things forward. They needed it, they deserved it. But their minds were just too tired, and their bodies wouldn’t keep up with them. “We’ll have time,” Marcus had told her, running his thumb over her lower lip. And while Abby had nodded, trying to smile and lose herself to sleep into his warm arms, she knew it was easier said than done. They had six months to live, and six months to try and save the world. That was all they were going to get: not peace, not quiet mornings cuddling in bed ignoring how they were already late, not endless nights of lovemaking to catch up on lost time. They would have to keep running around, worried and breathless, again and again and again.

But now it was different. Marcus noticed she was awake, and something shifted in the air when he slowly turned her around.

The kiss was unhurried at first, sweet and calm. They were used to taking their time, but Abby didn’t know how many hours they had left before the sun rose. She was about to ask him, when he swiftly pushed her on her back and climbed atop of her. Everything changed; time wasn’t important. Life since she woke up from the chip’s control had been a blur, working all day on the health of everyone in Polis, and worrying all night about Clarke and Marcus, and whatever mission they were up to that time. But that didn’t matter. Everything that really mattered now was Marcus’ body pressing her down into the mattress, the heat and the weight of him on her were something she was truly thankful for. She needed it, needed to be pinned down in order to make everything stop spinning without control.

The kiss sped up, all the pent up tension getting on their way now. Suddenly, making her gasp in surprise, he was kissing his way down her body, slowly dragging her pants and underwear down, and then there was nothing left in the world but Marcus Kane’s mouth on her. As he made himself comfortable between her legs, he had to pin her with one of his arms over her hips when she started bucking her hips up, trying to catch even more of him. He eased one finger inside her, and then another, and just like that, she was lost.

It was heavenly, finally letting herself enjoy just _feeling_ again. With ALIE, she couldn’t feel a thing: every memory of what had happened while she had the chip on was muted somehow, she couldn’t remember pain because she hadn’t felt it at the moment. And after the City of Light, everything was just so painful to even consider feeling anything else.

But just when Abby thought she was losing herself to pleasure, Marcus’ hand and mouth went still.

“Marcus, please,” she whimpered, but he didn’t seem to hear. He rested his chin on her thigh, and closed his eyes. “I need… Marcus…” Abby tried lifting her hips and getting him to move, to be exactly where she needed him to, but there was no use: he was still pinning her with his forearm, and he wouldn’t react. “Marcus…”

When he opened his eyes and looked at her, the first thing Abby noticed was how cold they were.

“Is anything wrong?” she had to ask, scrambling for purchase, her elbows barely holding her up. Marcus sat back up on his knees, then. And while moments ago the sole sight of him - his half naked body sweaty, his hair tousled, his face glistening with _her_ \- would’ve been enough to make her drag him down again, she could see something was definitely wrong now.

“Abby, I’m afraid,” he said, and she sat up immediately. Marcus wasn’t looking at her, now, but at some point on the wall; he seemed lost. All she could think of doing was to grab a piece of cloth, clean his face and then hug him.

From there, everything went downhill.

Marcus flinched when she touched him, and roughly pushed her off the bed. Abby landed on her back, legs half-trapped on the blankets, banging her head hard against the cold floor. Her vision darkened for a second, and when she was able to focus again, Marcus was looming over her, a cruel smile on his face.

“Do you want to play a little game, Abby?” he asked, but all she wanted was to run away.

In the years they had known each other, she had never been afraid of him. Yes, he had tried to float her, he had ordered her to be shocklashed… But, still, she had never been afraid of him. Now, she was terrified.

“You don’t have to be all shy now, darling,” he continued, his face closer and closer to hers. “It’s a simple game, this one. You just have to say a few words, will you?”

When Abby didn’t answer, closing her eyes and feeling tears going down her cheeks, he suddenly grabbed her face with one hand and forced her to look at him.

He slapped her, then. “I asked you a question, Abby!”

“Y-yes, I will,” she cried. Marcus smiled again, that crooked smile that didn’t belong to him at all.

“Can you repeat after me? When you do, everything will be over. Just say this words with me, darling.” Abby nodded, trembling. “ _Put him on the cross_.”

That’s when she knew.

When Abby was finally able to wake up, a scream in her throat and panting for air, darkness was surrounding her. But the room had just enough light to help her recognize she was in her own quarters at Arkadia. She rolled over and noticed how cold the bed was, an empty spot beside her a reminder of Marcus having left for Polis the night before. Realizing there was no other way to calm herself down, Abby just hugged her knees and cried herself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More than five months later, here I am again. This is turning slowly into a sightly alternative season 4 version, but I'll be taking just a few things from there, mainly because if I want this to work the way I have it sketched, I'll have to ignore a lot of things. But until now, yeah, it /could/ be following canon. Just saying this for future chapters.  
> And before I go, a round of applause and a big thank you to Mon again for helping me by beta reading this :)


End file.
